"How did you manage to hit that car?" asked the cop.
"It's my husband's fault. He fell asleep in the back seat."
Bob: "My son was born to be a politician."
Al: "How's that?"
Bob: "When he was born, the doctor spanked him and he said, 'no comment.'"
"The human brain is a truly wonderful organ that starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up top speak in public."
"It's becoming more and more difficult to support the government in the style to which it has become accustomed." *
* I realize this one is not really funny. But I like it.
All quotes taken from some random pamphlet [not accredited].