jokes

the kid sent me this. here's a snippet:

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that....
she called me to get my phone number.
she tried to drown a fish.
she tripped over a cordless phone.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

this one i received a while ago:

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses; the results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their ass is too fat ...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny ...
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man,
and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

ditto for this one: I love this Doctor.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that 's it... don't waste them on exercise. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you & get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.